Friends and Colleges: How close is too close?

Friends and Colleges: How close is too close? 

This weekend I received a lovely email from a senior who was very worried about starting college in the fall. We chatted back and forth all weekend, and she’s given me permission to tell her story here, as it’s great food for thought.

Ashley* and her life-long best friend Elizabeth* applied to all of the same schools (a 6 school list, 2 of each type, 3 in Massachusetts and 3 New York) and were really committed to being at the same school or at least in the same city. They had nearly identical packages (same ethnicity, board scores, basically the same GPA, same rigor of course load, though Ashley was better in humanities and Elizabeth in sciences, similar activities, etc).

As fate would have it they each got into 4 schools. Both were admitted into both safeties, with Elizabeth getting nearly a full scholarship to the in-state safety. But, aside from the safety schools, Elizabeth was accepted to two schools in Boston, and Ashley into two schools in NY.

Ashley was incredibly worried about being separated from her best friend. They had been as close as sisters from the time they were in preschool. While they had been separated before for the summer, they had never been without each other for very long.

Ashley decided to attend the reach school in NYC she was accepted at, even though Elizabeth would be attending the in-state school at home in Massachusetts.

Ashley feels a bit of guilt for “leaving Elizabeth behind”

They had been so committed to attending college together, to having that adventure, but now Ashley is moving away and Elizabeth is staying close to home.

Leaving your friends behind is scary, but it is an inevitable part of life.
In the age of social media it’s easy to keep in touch with everyone you want to. Send them a text, or facebook chat them every day, Skype once a week. If you’re committed to it, you can make it happen.

Attending school with your best friend seems awesome. TV and movies shows entire groups of friends attending the same schools, living together, and growing up together.

But in reality, that’s not an option for many.

If anything, having a fresh start is healthy. You will really find out who you are when you start interacting with strangers, people with very little prior knowledge of you, and just people with different backgrounds.

This is an opportunity for growth and change.

If you’re shy, this is going to be a bit of “trial by fire” to go out and meet friends. But college is structured to help you. You will make friends. You will be okay. You don’t need to rely on coming in with friends.

So even though going with your best friend might seem like a great idea, know that it’s okay to go alone. You have to do what is best for you, and sometimes that means trekking outside of the bubble.

The relationships that are important will still be there with a bit of work to maintain them. So go forth, have your adventure.

*Names were changed for privacy