What if… Your Parents Love A School That You HATE?

Every college is different and every person is going to experience schools in a slightly different way. You might absolutely love a school that your best friend absolutely hates.

These differences of opinion are why it is so important to check out schools for yourself before you actually apply or attend.

But what happens if a tour convinces you that a school is completely wrong for you, while your parents think its perfect?

Here are some suggestions for this potentially sticky situation.

First: If you have a strong negative reaction to a school, make sure you can verbalize the reason. Write it down (or mention it on your reaction video). Was it the campus? The core requirements? The way the students dressed or spoke?

Make sure you have concrete reasons more than “ugh I just hated it.”

If you want to remove a school from your list against your parent’s wishes, make sure you have a strong argument as to why this school will not work out for you.

Second: Try to see what your parents see. Oftentimes when a school really sticks out to parents there is a strong reason why. Maybe the school will be easily affordable, or maybe it is very prestigious. If you can offer an alternative choice to what they want (maybe another affordable school that you like much better) you may have an easier time convincing them the school is right.

Third: Off of that last point, make sure that you have comparable schools that you do like on your list, and have reasons why one is better for you than the other.

Maybe you are applying as a psych major, and you really want a school with a neuro based psychology program. Your parents much prefer a similar school that has a social based program because it’s closer to home. Explain why, for your future career goals, the psych program of the school is more valuable than the ease of travel.

Fourth: Remember that you are the one who will be attending the school, not your parents. If you really think you will be unhappy there or that the education is not a good match for you, argue it until the bitter end. They are trying to do what is best for you, but this is your experience and make sure that your parents understand it.

Fifth: Make a bargain. This is the most common way that students can get out of this sticky situation. Discuss the merits and downfalls of the school in question, and create conditions by which you will apply to or attend the school. Say that you’ll put the school on your “flex” list, so if you don’t get into schools A B and C early decision/early action, you’ll apply. Maybe if your parents are making you pay the application fees, you agree to apply to that school your parents pay that fee.

When I was applying there was a school that was one of my sister’s second choice, and I had two cousins attending. I really disliked the school the first time I toured, and flat out refused to apply.

The deal my parents and I made was that I had to fill out an application, and that I would apply if I did not get into my early decision school. I agreed that I would tour the school a second time if I was eventually admitted, and keep an open mind about it. 

My parents understood that I felt the school would be a bad match, but I understood why my parents liked the school so much and felt that I could do well there.  We compromised on it, and because I held up on my end of the bargain my parents respected my choices. Also, the essay I wrote for the supplement of that school was the single best essay I wrote in my entire college application process. Even if you don’t like the school you still have to try.

Epilogue: They’re now pushing this school on my little brother. He’s more receptive to it.