No love at first sight? Perfectly okay!

When you’re college searching everyone around you is constantly telling you “Oh, you’ll know the right school when you visit” or “You’ll just feel it” or “There’s a perfect school for everyone”

While this is true for some, know that it is not the case for everyone.

It is perfectly okay to not fall in love with a school, even when you’ve already committed to it.

You might like a lot of schools, you might be indecisive, or you just might not be able to set your heart on a school you know won’t work out.

If finances are an issue, that should be your number one deciding factor, and if anything, falling in love might hurt you in the long run.

Not everyone has a “dream” school with a strong emotional connection. For some the “head” factors are a lot stronger than the “heart” factors.

Maybe you tour tons of schools and like several of them, but none of them tug on your heart.

Or maybe you’re limited to your state schools, and as good as your flagship is, it’s not necessarily something you’re excited about.

That is okay. That is normal. And that is healthy.
As someone who was so stressed out the week I heard back from my early decision “love, must attend” school that I went to three different doctors, not being in love might be a better life decision.

When you’re searching, you might not find love. And that’s okay.

And more than that, it’s perfectly normal to not have strong feelings for a school you’ve decided on.

Many students are disappointed with their acceptances because their dream didn’t work out. They might discover the school they thought would be throwing money at them suddenly became stingy. Or maybe the thought of going across the country for four years is a lot scarier when it’s reality rather than a vague dream.

So you might be wearing that sweatshirt to a school you’re not enthusiastic about with ambivalence. Yes you’re excited about college, but your not excited about your college.

It’s okay not to love a school at first. You’ll learn to love it.

You’ll find friends who are like your family. You’ll join clubs that make you get out of bed in the morning on the weekends to do amazing things with amazing people. You’ll take classes with professors who will set you on paths you never thought to explore. You’ll have crazy experiences with your roommate, good and bad. You’ll ruin something in the laundry. You’ll take wilderness journeys at 4 in the morning for no reason.

It’s okay not to be in love with the idea of a school, because, quite frankly, once you get there it’s all about the experience.  

So if you’re not head over heels about any school you’re looking at? Know that it’s okay. It’s normal. And you won’t feel the same once you get there.

Embrace the Dark Side- Check out the Newspaper

When you’re researching a school you’re going to see the best version possible. The highlights, the successes, and the polished wrapped-up-with-a-bow opinions.
This is great for showing you the best points of every college, but no school is perfect (even mine, though that’s the only time you’ll ever hear me admit it).

The absolute best way to see the dark side of a school, the scandals, the trolls, the protests, the changes? Check out the newspaper.

A school’s website or Wikipedia page will bring up their newspaper’s website. If their newspaper doesn’t have a website… well… that’s an issue in itself isn’t it?

(But seriously, pick up a copy of the newspaper when you’re visiting)

Because the newspaper is student run and not intended as propaganda for the school, the opinions will be candid. The comments will be nitpicky (and possibly Troll-laden). The reviews will be honest.

My favorite things to look at are the “personal” or “opinion” pieces because they’re often quite liberal and dark, even at a very buttoned up school.

While they’re often trying to provide a “controversial” opinion, these negative articles have truth in them, and can help you see the “other” side of the school.

Additionally, it might highlight some clubs or events that you didn’t know about. There might be an article about a huge cultural fair that you haven’t heard about anywhere else. A new club might have formed that is right up your alley. You will probably see reviews for plays and concerts, or any of the events that the school puts on. These will show you what the students really think of those school-run events.

And there will be the scandals as well. Every school has them, and it’s nice to know what you’re getting into.

For example, if you were to scour my school’s website, you would see a few articles about the “housing crisis” being fixed, and a fraternity being shut down for hazing allegations.

Another school might show a prankster gone too far, a tuition raise, a meal plan flub, or a staff member scandal.

While these might darken your opinion of the school, you have to love them at their worst to have their best, right?

So when you’re checking out schools, take a peek at their website, you might be surprised at what you find.

Worth the Weight- Why honors, IB, and AP classes are worth it.

You’re sitting in a conference room in the admissions office of a college, and the information session is coming to a close. There’s room for just a few questions. You get the usual “What is the med school acceptance rate” and, “Are the dorms air conditioned?” You get a few funny ones, “Why is your mascot so frightening to look at?”
And you get the inevitable one, “Would you rather an A in a regular class or a B in an AP class?”

9 schools out of 10 will answer “I’d rather an A in an AP class”

While this answer is infinitely frustrating, because it doesn’t answer your question, it does give the honest answer.

You should be taking the hardest classes you can handle, and you should be doing well in them.

Highly rigorous classes are there to get you ready for college level work. Even when they claim to be college level work (like APs) they’re not quite that (you’ll understand when you get to school) but they’re a stepping-stone.

Admissions are looking to see that you’re succeeding in your environment, and that you’ll have success in theirs.

What does this mean?

They want the best of the best. So they want to see you challenging yourself to high-level classes, and rising to the level of work expected of you.
Showing that you can kick APUSH’s vocab heavy behind bodes well for you doing well in their history classes. Schools don’t want to see you fail, they want to see you flourish, and doing well in high school indicates that you will.

And to answer your question, with proper documentation that you really worked hard, B that you worked your butt off for in AP bio is worth a whole lot more than taking the easy way out for an A (though, AP Environmental was a very cool class).

Easy way out?

While this highly depends on your school, at least at my high school, the “honors” and “AP” classes were leaps and bounds more challenging than the regular classes. That’s why they’re weighted in your GPA, you’re doing more work and the grades are harder to get.

This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t take a regular class if you truly can’t handle the harder work (I took regular foreign language junior and senior year, and regular chemistry sophomore year).

But if you are going to be getting an easy A in a regular class, you should sign up for the honors one. It will be tricky. It will be frustrating. But it will be a challenge and it will leave you better prepared for college.

So know that hard classes are worth the weight. They demonstrate that you are ready for college level work, and that you don’t back down from a challenge even when there is an easier path.

Colleges want to see you challenge yourself, the worst thing you can do is coast.

Adjectives are important: How schools describe themselves can help YOU

When you’re looking at schools one of your first stops has to be the school’s website.
You might get to tour, interview, and info session the school, but the website is the only place where you’ll get one of the most important tools for supplements in black and white- Adjectives.

Every school’s website is loaded with descriptions. Descriptions of the academics, the students, the campus life, the school itself.

And while they might be full of “fluff” and each school might seem to read the exact same as the last one, there are major differences hiding in those adjectives.

Does the school describe their students as “engaged” “independent” “involved” “active” “intellectual” “curious” “quirky” “achieving” “competitive” “cooperative” “fun loving” “committed” “strong” “diverse”
while it might seem like a mush of positive qualities, each school’s cocktail of traits can help you gauge your fit. These are the terms the school is using to describe itself, don’t take that lightly.

If a school breaks out the “engaged” it’s likely a political hotbed. “Active” brings to mind either a jock’s paradise or a hippie granola protesting campus. Intellectual and Curious seem like similar traits, but the former seems like a lot of papers and high ideas, and the later brings to mind research and trial and error. Quirky was a big positive for a lot of schools for me.

Adjectives are more than a useful search tool, they’re absolute gold when it comes to essays and interviews.

The schools want to know that you’ll fit in, so it doesn’t hurt to drop in a few of the adjectives that they use to describe themselves in your answers. If a school calls itself “competitive, active, and involved,” you might write in a supplement about “why ____” how:

You love the high levels of involvement of the students as you’ve always found you flourish in communities of high achievers, and the competition of being in a place full of the smartest most engaged minds of your generation doesn’t intimidate you but ignites you.

That’s a bit pretentious, but it also sucks up to the school, shows what the school can do for you, and why you fit in.

It’s also good to drop these adjectives in interviews when you can. Don’t be obvious, don’t be annoying, but use them to show that you are a great fit for the school.

So when you’re applying, make sure to look out for adjectives

Better late than never (when it comes to activities)

Sometime at the end of sophomore year everyone starts talking “college” and “resumes” and “well rounded” and “angular” and “special skills.”

For many, a laundry list of commitments and activities has already been cultivated.

But for others, the need for an impressive resume is new information. And this might set you into a bit of a panic. You’re halfway through high school! How are you supposed to get involved now?

Well, simple, just join new things. When it comes to clubs and activities it’s always better late than never. Though, of course, it is best to have four-year commitments in everything you can, you can’t change the past. So instead of simply giving up, just head into new activities and make the best of the time you can.

If you’re very strongly into sports, but you only play one, why don’t you run track in the off-season? It will keep you in shape, and is a great activity.

If you’re into music, see if there is an extracurricular music group like a capella or marching band, or pit orchestra for the musical.  Or see if your school has an honors society (like Tri-M) for you to join.

If you’re into academics, why don’t you try math or science Olympiads, or maybe just an academic club? Why don’t you try doing some research or entering competitions?

If you’re into politics, join a young democrats or young republicans chapter. Or maybe check out the mock-trial team.

They don’t all have to be at school either. You can always get a job, become a nanny, intern for a political cause, or volunteer somewhere.

It is best to have at least two big commitments that you are highly committed to and a few marginal things that you enjoy, but don’t spend a whole lot of time on.

Friends and Colleges: How close is too close?

Friends and Colleges: How close is too close? 

This weekend I received a lovely email from a senior who was very worried about starting college in the fall. We chatted back and forth all weekend, and she’s given me permission to tell her story here, as it’s great food for thought.

Ashley* and her life-long best friend Elizabeth* applied to all of the same schools (a 6 school list, 2 of each type, 3 in Massachusetts and 3 New York) and were really committed to being at the same school or at least in the same city. They had nearly identical packages (same ethnicity, board scores, basically the same GPA, same rigor of course load, though Ashley was better in humanities and Elizabeth in sciences, similar activities, etc).

As fate would have it they each got into 4 schools. Both were admitted into both safeties, with Elizabeth getting nearly a full scholarship to the in-state safety. But, aside from the safety schools, Elizabeth was accepted to two schools in Boston, and Ashley into two schools in NY.

Ashley was incredibly worried about being separated from her best friend. They had been as close as sisters from the time they were in preschool. While they had been separated before for the summer, they had never been without each other for very long.

Ashley decided to attend the reach school in NYC she was accepted at, even though Elizabeth would be attending the in-state school at home in Massachusetts.

Ashley feels a bit of guilt for “leaving Elizabeth behind”

They had been so committed to attending college together, to having that adventure, but now Ashley is moving away and Elizabeth is staying close to home.

Leaving your friends behind is scary, but it is an inevitable part of life.
In the age of social media it’s easy to keep in touch with everyone you want to. Send them a text, or facebook chat them every day, Skype once a week. If you’re committed to it, you can make it happen.

Attending school with your best friend seems awesome. TV and movies shows entire groups of friends attending the same schools, living together, and growing up together.

But in reality, that’s not an option for many.

If anything, having a fresh start is healthy. You will really find out who you are when you start interacting with strangers, people with very little prior knowledge of you, and just people with different backgrounds.

This is an opportunity for growth and change.

If you’re shy, this is going to be a bit of “trial by fire” to go out and meet friends. But college is structured to help you. You will make friends. You will be okay. You don’t need to rely on coming in with friends.

So even though going with your best friend might seem like a great idea, know that it’s okay to go alone. You have to do what is best for you, and sometimes that means trekking outside of the bubble.

The relationships that are important will still be there with a bit of work to maintain them. So go forth, have your adventure.

*Names were changed for privacy

Don't be Gaston

Today’s ridiculous post is brought to you by FINALS MADDNESS (a condition that turns college student’s brains to absolute mush during finals).   Beauty and the Beast’s main villain is the Narcissist Gaston. He wishes to marry Belle not because of her inner qualities, but because he believes her to be “the best.” He riles everyone up on a witch-hunt against the surprisingly humane beast because he doesn’t understand him, and The Beast has what he wants (Belle). He plays dirty and gets Maurice put in the asylum to get what he wants. He’s ruthless, all for a “prize” that he doesn’t really understand or deserve. So for today’s metaphor- Gaston is an applicant, and Belle is the college of his dreams. (Finals week guys, finals week)     Search “She’s the most beautiful girl in town, and that makes her the best. Don’t I deserve the best?”   When people are searching colleges they often make a point to look for the best school possible. Often this translates into a student fantasizing about a school with a great US News rank, and obsessing about how they’re going to get into it by any means necessary. This attitude is unhealthy and unrealistic. Just like how Gaston obsesses over Belle for her beauty, applicants obsess over a school based on its prestige. The thing is, when you look at prestige as a factor you’re going to, inevitably, ignore the more important parts of the search (namely- FIT). Gaston doesn’t understand that Belle is not a good match for him, he just wants the trophy. He also doesn’t understand that Belle doesn’t want him. Thinking that you “deserve” anything while applying to colleges is a recipe for disaster.   Essays and Interviews “My what a guy! Gaston!”     Gaston is a braggart. He needs people to affirm his greatness, and is happy to tell you all about his accomplishments. When you’re applying to colleges, there’s a delicate balance you have to strike between showing the amazing things you’ve done, and actual bragging. Gaston doesn’t understand the difference between a small fact (I’m particularly good at expectorating) and things that are actually impressive. Furthermore, he does a whole lot of telling (I’ve got biceps to spare) without a whole lot of showing his personal growth (unless you count that he’s roughly the size of a barge). So when you’re writing your essays and your interviews, have the amazing things about you delicately woven in to a larger narrative about yourself and your growth as a person. Don’t just laundry list all of the cool things about you. And whatever you do, don’t brag.   Kill the Beast!   Gaston is very bitter about losing Belle to the Beast. So what does he do? He goes on a witch-hunt of the beast! Sound familiar? Have you ever heard anyone gossip about someone “Getting in when they don’t deserve it?” Gaston doesn’t take time to understand the Beast and all of his qualities. All he see’s is the surface. When college decisions come back, sometimes there are going to be results that you just can’t explain. Don’t be bitter and gossipy about it. If anything, try to understand. The best strategy? Just understand things weren’t meant to work out, and there are things that we just can’t control.         So take Gaston as a lesson when you’re applying. Whatever you do, don’t be Gaston